When do you let your child know the full extent of his disability? Or do you even tell him? My son knows he has Fasd,and ADHD but doesn't understand quite what they are.Just knows he is hyper and has a few troubles because of it.And is quick to blame any misbehavior on them.But really when do you explain his limitations to him? or once again do you?
I feel I have set him up for failure in so many ways in the past Such as:
His birthday is Nov.So I let him enter kindergarten the first chance he got.I should have kept him back.He just seemed so ready at the time.
And joined lots like beavers(scouts)Basketball, swimming lessons.Beavers was boring,just lots of crafts.Basketball and swimming were fine except they were groups and he can't catch everything when its not 1 on 1.Which brings me to Hockey.That boy can skate!!!!!!!!!!But in that setting and with uneducated coaches he couldn't keep up with the demands on him.Plus anytime the coach used a loud voice he took it personally.
The latest sport was Karate.OH MY!!! Once again he was good,but in a group setting he failed.Not even failed.They just seemed to be in a rush for him to click it all together.I will never forget it.His Sensei came up to me and said "do you think its working? Is he getting it?"I said well yes but do you remember how he has his disabilities?And he said"well yes but is it hurting him or helping him?"Meaning karate.Well i felt it was doing him lots of good.But I felt so hurt and shocked that instead of standing up to him i just tried to fight back tears.I asked my son later how he was feeling and said it has gotten boring.I think he was struggling and that got him bored of it..so he quit.
I got the feeling from his hard ass(pardon me) teacher that his assessment from his doctors etc wasn't shared with her.And so i passed on some info.And she says she doesn't see it.Huh???? Okay well...he has all he has.So we had this issue of him going to the bathroom or getting a drink at school .especially during his times with extra help in another room.LA (learning assistance room).So they made sure he did all this before he went to these rooms.And in a meeting with him and the LA lady and his teacher this was mentioned to him.Okay..so the next day.He is in the LA room.need water so he goes to the fountain in the OTHER hallway by his class.He had to walk past one fountain to get to the regular one.His teacher saw this and was shocked.She says she didn't understand why.I told her its not on purpose .That's just the one in his regular routine so that's where he went.She said she felt he wasn't deliberately trying to do this...and of course i said....that's just how his brain works....grrrr.....I need to sink it into her head.Otherwise she is a good teacher and we FOUGHT to get him into that class due to a Bully in his other class.so....no switching allowed.I am not sure what info to give her.I need to make his needs and how his brain works known!!But how????
So i guess my point is.He knows he is a little different than the others.He is stressed at school....how do i tell him the extent of his needs? or do I?Do i let him carry on and naturally just get disappointed and or frustrated? I find him AMAZING and normal.But being just partial fasd he looks normal, its all the other crap and the kids at school pick up on it.
A new boy started today.Before school let out for Xmas ,at that meeting we had,they mentioned the boy was coming and maybe that's somebody he could connect with and walk around at lunch with.Well in one sentence he said that he did walk around with him in another he did something else.I tried to get him to introduce him to this shy boy but my son got all awkward and nervous.I am sad for him that it didn't seem to go as planned..
Oh and FYI: It turns out he needs an aid in class but because of a time line we missed its too late.How can it be too late? the need is there!!!
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1 year ago
With Tara, when we got her when she was 11 yrs old, no one had ever talked to her about any of her disabilities. She thought she was stupid and would hit herself in the head. My other boys are 6 and have their own issues but we are still trying to figure out what those are. The one dodged FASD though bmom drank. The other has been affected by meth usage, how much, we do not know. We have only talked to them about Tara's needs at this point since we are still trying to figure out how their challenges are going to play out.
ReplyDeleteWith Tara, we tried all kinds of activities to see what fit for her, too. She failed in nearly everything except for the one on one with an old deaf lady helping her play bingo. I can certainly feel your pain as you struggle with balancing out trying to make a regular life for your son who has an irregular brain. With Tara, once we started talking to her about her disabilities and what could be affecting her activities, it gave her more control over things. It was like watching a transformation. She wasn't able to do those things she couldn't before...but she knew why and it was no longer about HER but about her disabilities. We were all concerned about her using them as excuses, too. But I don't worry about that anymore. She needs to know so she can be empowered, advocate for herself, and maintain her self-esteem.
You will figure out what is right for your son. It does take time and observation so do what feels right :)